It’s no secret if you know me in real life, or just follow me on twitter, that I am a huge fan of HGTV. When I have a weekday off from work, there is nothing that makes me happier than to hunker down on the couch and watch a few hours of high quality HGTV. Maybe you’re not familiar with HGTV or just getting started with their programming, so I’m here to steer you towards the best shows they have. And remember, the best reason to watch these shows is to comment out loud about how awful all these people are.
1. House Hunters
The holy grail of HGTV programming, and the show that pretty much everything else on the channel stems from. House Hunters is exactly what it sounds like: people are looking for a new house. On the show they visit three houses, while some dipshit Realtor tries to sell them on what a great home it is. All the while the home buyer just sits there and bitches that they aren’t getting everything on their wish-list, or that it’s out of their budget.
2. Love It or List It
This show is like a John Cena match in WWE. It’s the same episode every time, but the people and venue change. A family lives in some place that has surely been messed up to make it look worse than it is. One spouse wants to move out, while the other sits there and cries about how they can’t move because there are too many memories in the current home. In come the real treasures of the show, the dumb designer, and pushy Realtor. The designer has all these great ideas about how to renovate the home and keep them in it. 10 minutes later she says they ran into some problems and need more money. Then the Realtor shows them three houses and just insults their old home the whole time. At the end they must decided to either “Love It or List It” and based on statistical analysis, (my rough estimations from watching many episodes) they will choose to list it roughly 70% of the time.
3. House Hunters: International
Take everything I just wrote about House Hunters above, and put it here. What makes this one stand out is the people. The people on this show are so much worse. Because they’re moving to another country they’re either extremely rich and delusional, or really poor and you question why or how they can make this ridiculous move to a foreign land. My favorite couple was the hipsters who decide to move from Austin, Texas to the middle of Africa to open a bike cafe.
4. Property Brothers
Sort of a combination of House Hunters and Love It or List It, two creepy looking brothers, who have perfectly groomed facial hair find a couple a cheap-ish, fixer-upper home and try to turn it into a dream home. The show gets marked down because the house search only takes about 10 minutes of the hour long show, and it doesn’t seem like the struggle too much to find a place. Again, much like Love It or List It they will run into a bunch of problems during the renovation and must figure out ways to combat the time and budget problems. Such drama.
5. Property Virgins
Basically House Hunters, except these people have never owned a home. Which seems like a lie since half of the people, especially in the older episodes, have a budget of $500,000+. The show really loses points for the newer episodes starring some lady named Egypt, who only shows houses that normal people can afford in the Atlanta area.
As with all of these shows, you will watch and hate the people, and then wonder why you just spent five hours watching HGTV. That’s my top five HGTV shows, do you love it, or should I list it?