The St. Louis Cardinals should have been kicked out of MLB, MY COLUMN:

Today, justice was hardly served in the baseball world as the cheatingest franchise to ever play the game was given a slap on the wrist for trying to ruin baseball in the worst scandal since the Black Sox in 1919.

The St. Louis Cardinals must give $2 million and their 1st and 2nd round draft picks in the MLB Draft to the Houston Astros in the hacking scandal, because for some reason they needed to steal tips from a real league, the AMERICAN League, not the Communism League that the Cardinals apparently think they can play in all by themselves.

But MLB should have come down harder on the Jailbirds and banned them from MLB altogether.

If we don’t have integrity in baseball then what do we have left in this country anymore? Nothing.

Now, this jabroni who did the hacking has been banned from baseball forever, but that’s nothing. They’ll find some other college intern to fill his spot and have him repeat the process every year until they run out of teams to pilfer information from.

It’s a disgrace.

The Cardinals aren’t good because of “The Cardinal Way”, they’re good because they cheat. And this proves it. Let’s see how great they are now that they don’t have their top two draft picks and $2 million to spend on a gritty, white shortstop who will hit .242 but will sell 10 million jerseys.

You’ll notice they haven’t won a World Series since 2011, so they probably felt the need for a little help to try and ease the pain of their long-suffering fans.

Well guess what, since 2012 it’s Cubs 1, Cardinals 0 in the World Series tally. Hell, the Cardinals aren’t even the best team in their own state.

MLB talked about contraction quite a bit as I was growing up and I think it’s high time we bring it back, especially when criminals are allowed to run a baseball team. If they need a lesson on how to kick a team out of the city, then they can call the Rams. They probably still have the movers on speed dial just in case.

So here’s an open letter for Rob Manfred, no relation to Manfred Mann’s Earth Ban:

Dear Commissioner Manfred,

Please kick the Cardinals out of MLB. You can show them the Cardinal Way (TM) out the door and into Jacksonville. They won’t be missed.

Oh, and put Alan Trammell in the Hall of Fame.


***Please note this is all satire. But fuck the Cardinals.***



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