The calendar has flipped from 2017 to 2018 and that means one thing: Time to make some HOT SPROTS PREDICTIONS for the year and what we think will happen over the next 365 days.

These takes and predictions are so hot we don’t even have time for an intro, so here we go!


-Team USA and its band of outlaws at the Winter Olympics fails to make it to the medal round, while Canada and it’s C-minus team roll through the tournament undefeated to take the gold. Nobody cares because it takes place in South Korea and the games are on at 3 a.m.

-The Tampa Bay Lightning lose only two games on their way to the Stanley Cup.

-Three players break the 100-point barrier and then we have to hear a bunch of crap from Gary Bettman about how great the league is now that scoring is marginally up.

-Vegas makes an inspired run to the Western Conference Final before losing in 7.

-The Coyotes announce that if they don’t get a new arena they will move to Houston by 2019. Quebec City gets mad.


-The NCAA acknowledges that the winner of the Army-Navy game is the REAL national champion because the troops fight for our whole country, not just the SEC like AlaBUMMER does.

-The Minnesota Vikings don’t win the Super Bowl.

-John Gruden comes out of retirement to lead the Raiders but has no idea what the hell to do since he hasn’t coached in 10 years and the Raiders get even worse than they were in 2017.

-The College Football Playoff expands to eight teams and everyone is still mad that their school is left out and that Alabama gets in despite not winning its conference again.

-The Arena Football League announces that it will not have a 2018 season, folds, then announces that the remaining teams will merge with the National Arena League.

-The Cleveland Browns win FIVE WHOLE GAMES.

-Johnny Manziel lights up the CFL but doesn’t win MVP because politics.

-Vince McMahon’s new XFL never even gets off the ground.


-The Cleveland LeBron Jameses goes undefeated in the Eastern Conference Playoffs then get swept by Houston or Golden State in the Finals.

-The NBA screws something up in the Playoffs and one of the teams they rigged it for accidentally gets eliminated in the second round. My money is on the Celtics.

-Two of the three Process guys go down with an injury for the Sixers and they suck just as much as they did before.

-A 16-seed beats a 1-seed at the NCAA Tournament when a star player gets hurt in the opening minute. The 16-seed then wins again and makes it to the Sweet 16 before reality sets in and they lose by 45.


-The Angels still don’t make the playoffs but we have to hear how great Mike Trout is all season long despite the team being irrelevant.

-The Astros and Dodgers roll through the regular season for a World Series rematch that the Astros win again.

-A St. Louis Cardinals fan says something dumb and racist.

-Tim Tebow hits even worse than he did last year and is cut. Some other team way out of the playoff hunt picks him up just to sell tickets.

-Mike Trout is busted for steroids and jorts-wearing sports writers everywhere cry but still vote him MVP.


-Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un play a 36-hold match play showdown with the winner becoming president of the world and getting the password to the other’s Twitter account. Nobody wins because they both lie and cheat on every hole.

-The Darts becomes the most popular new sport in America and has nightly matches on ESPN, replacing poker.

-The United States Men’s National Team does not lose a game at the 2018 World Cup.

-Tiger Woods wins a major and one other big tournament that isn’t a major, then hurts his back again in August.

-Clay Travis gets arrested.


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