The Super Bowl is here! New England vs. Philadelphia. Are you excited? Explain your answer.
Ron: Meh I mean it could have been worse and been Patriots vs. Vikings, which I don’t know if I honestly would have watched. At least with the Eagles I have a team to root for. It seems like a fine game that should (hopefully) be close. I guess I’m as excited as one can be for a Super Bowl with the Patriots.
Shawn: I want to be more than I am! I was entirely on the Jacksonville bandwagon, because I’m a huge sucker for the underdog. Honestly, legacies and dynasties are something I can find cool in legend…I’m a Red Wings fan so I remember what it was like to be relevant endlessly, but that’s neither here nor there…Eagles vs Patriots. A Northeast Battle in the Midwest. Could it be fun? Absolutely. However, I just don’t have the urge to watch it like I would have if it had been EITHER the Jaguars or Vikings in it. I feel like the storylines here in this game are reaching besides…Tom Brady Super Bowl Legacy Ring Hero Super Show?!. I’ll be watching, but I don’t think I’ll have the same excitement going into it that I had for the Conference Championships.
Fletcher: No, I’m not excited. I’m damn tired of the Patriots being in the Super Bowl and it’s time someone did something about it. Come on AFC. Brady is FORTY YEARS OLD. You couldn’t beat him? SMH.
James: Story time. So, I went out on a date during Divisional Sunday and we decided to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and watch the Jacksonville-New England game with 20ish total strangers. Both of us, along with 19 other people (casual count) were cheering for the Jags. They were up 20-3 at one point and we were all fairly confident. But then, The Drive. Gronk penalty and coverage penalty back-to-back. They scored, of course. When the halftime chyron popped up, I said to her “New England is going to win this, I know it.” Sure enough, we nervously munched on wings and sipped sodas as the Pats completed the inevitable comeback. The one Pats fan in full regalia was yelling at all of us about the greatness of Brady,. We left before the next game started. So, no, I am not excited.
• The game is in Minnesota. Should there be more outdoor SB’s?
Ron: The Super Bowl should only be in warm, southern cities. And at that it should be limited to: Miami, New Orleans, Phoenix, Los Angeles, MAYBE some place like Houston or Tampa. Have it in a party city, not the ice fishing capital of the world.
Shawn: Holy Cow YES. Maybe it’s the Midwesterner/Probably actually Canadian in me, but battles against the elements are what makes sports, especially football, the greatest stories. The Super Bowl isn’t so much about the diehard fans who’ve bled and cried for their teams to play in the biggest game…it’s all vanity and sex appeal. How many celebrities can we cram jam into a venue that is full of amenities, other options aside from #TheGame, and the commercials, the spectacle…I understand that the Super Bowl is the Super Bowl BECAUSE of everything that goes into it…but could you imagine having the biggest football game in the world being played in a Minnesota early-February Blizzard? I’d lose it. Snow Bowl or no Bowl.
Fletcher: Eh. I’ve never had a problem with domes. But, then again, I’m a Falcons fan and know two things – indoor football and shame/humiliation.
James: YES! I honestly don’t like the sanitized look of having the Super Bowl in a dome. (And no, don’t give me that optimal conditions BS either: they’re paid professionals.) The fan experience would be a lot more fun if there was some variety in where the game was played year-to-year.
• More obnoxious and hateable fanbase: New England or Philadelphia?
Ron: New England and it’s not close. They act like the victim in everything despite winning all the time in every sport. And then they act like they aren’t idiots. At least Philly owns their fandom stupidity.
Shawn: That’s tough. Philadelphia sports fans are, uhh…polarizing? Patriots fans are just obnoxious and entitled because of the success the team had and has had and…will have. Honestly though this game, I think Eagles fans are and have been worse. There are some things that are inexcusable. I won’t name anything specifically because it’ll just anger me and rebring them to life, so I’ll leave it at arm’s length.
Fltcher: Is the NE fanbase that bad? Sure, the Patriots as a team are the scum of the earth, but outside of the whole deflategate defenders, Patriots fans aren’t that bad. Just a very lucky group of folks. If anything, what’s worse is Brady fans. They like the Patriots because they like Brady. A very NBA-way of liking a team. So, it’s Philly. Everyone knows they’re the worst with everything.
• Should SB Sunday/Monday be a national holiday?
Ron: CONTROVERSIAL TAKE: No. It’s a sporting even that’s on a Sunday, if you decide you need to get turnt over a sporting even that probably doesn’t involve your favorite team, that’s your own fault and you shouldn’t get a day of for it.
Shawn: That’s such a hard question every year. I think so. It’s a spectacle and nearly everybody watches it, and what would one Monday off hurt? Most people will probably go in to work or class hungover anyway, so there goes your productivity. It’s fun and football.
Fletcher: I’m mixed about this. SB Sunday is, technically, a weekend, so whats the fun in having a holiday on the weekend?! And, while Monday is a drag, I don’t go into work until like 2:30 so I’m good.
James: No, that’s a stupid idea. Who came up with that question? [Editor’s note: James made the questionnaire.]
• What is the one indisposable dish you cannot enjoy a SB party without?
Ron: Pizza. I don’t care if it’s frozen, homemade, French bread, pizza rolls, takeout, whatever. I just want a couple pieces of pizza.
Shawn: I feel like Superb Owl Nachos are what it’s all about. I love Nachos and I love Football. You gotta have those chips. But the correct answer is definitely Wings. So find me on Sunday with Wings and Nachos.
Fletcher: If we’re talking food, wings. If we’re talking actual chinawear, then plates.
James: Celery sticks and blue cheese. Nothing like that satisfying crunch hitting your pallette to really get you in the mood. Pizza and burgers are honorable mentions.
• Whats your favorite SB drinking game and what is the beverage of choice?
Ron: Are there really Super Bowl drinking games? I’ve never heard of that, or I just didn’t hang out with the type of people who would play them, so uhhh…I guess making one up like, drink every time they show a certain celeb in the crowd for each team. Drink of choice? I guess just a beer, I have some nice stuff in the fridge that I need to drink, so I suppose I’ll have a couple of those during the game.
Shawn: I have never once touched an alcoholic beverage in my life. Although, if I did, it would probably be to find one of those “drinking game listacles”, like “every time the broadcaster references something outside of the game itself, take a drink. I will make an addendum after Sunday.
Fletcher: As a sXe [editor’s note: straightedge] kid, my favorite drinking game is to not and my drink of choice always has been, and always will be, Vanilla Coke.
James: Drinking games are overrated, honestly. Just grasp a cold one of your choice and have a good time. Rum and cola is my go-to, but can’t go wrong with Short’s Soft Parade. What I do NOT recommend is Crown Royal and Pepsi together. I did that once at my cousin’s and it was both terrible and awful.
• Do you use the commerical breaks as bathroom breaks or do you watch them?
Ron: Bathroom break. I do not need to see “Dilly Dilly” 45 times during the game. Most commercials aren’t funny anymore, and the suspense of them is ruined because most “leak” on YouTube before the game. The Commercial Watcher is also the worst person at every Super Bowl party.
Shawn: I never know what to do…when are you supposed to go to the bathroom during the Super Bowl? I think I try and sprint during third downs that look hopeless.
Fletcher: Both. I rush to the bathroom so i can get back for the commercials.
James: I watch them because I have the bladder of a camel. If I do need to use the facilities, I usually wait til near the end of the first half so I can do what I need to before halftime.
• Justin Timberlake is performing at halftime. If you had total control of the five-song setlist, what would it look like?
Ron: Cry Me a River, Sexyback…uhhh…that’s the only ones I know off the top of my head. But Cry Me a River is a banger.
Shawn: The definitive list should be:
1. Can’t Stop The Feeling!
2. Cry Me A River
4. Dead and Gone
5. My Love
… and an encore of Bye Bye Bye with ‘NSync
Fletcher: He does an on-stage reunion with the BACKSTREET BOYS (no one will see it coming) and they do the following:
1. Larger than life
2. The Call
3. Hey Mr. DJ
4. Get Another Boyfriend
5. Bye Bye Bye (Again, they’ll never see it coming)
James: I’ve put a lot of thought into this recently (and I do mean a lot of thought) so here’s my list:
1. Filthy (with Timbaland)
2. The Way I Are (with Timbaland and Nelly Furtado)
3. Let Me Talk To You (Interlude)/My Love (with T.I.) medley
4. Rock Your Body
5. Can’t Stop The Feeling (which I feel like is an obligation, though I wouldn’t personally choose it.)
• Nick Foles: Super Bowl quarterback or rodeo clown who couldn’t quite figure out how to use a lasso?
Ron: Why not both?
Shawn: Nick Foles was definitely the best actor in Napoleon Dynamite, so he could certainly lasso.
James: Rodeo clown, though I would give him the benefit of the doubt on the whole lasso thing.
• Is TB12 actually a Scientology-style cult under the guise of a health routine?
Ron: Yes, to the point where it’s bordering on becoming an actual cult. Tom Brady, if he went to grocery stores, is the guy who sees you walk in and asks you to join his pyramid scheme. Which is exactly what TB 12 is.
Shawn: Everything that Tom Brady has ever signed his name onto and to be a part of is a guise of Scientology and should not be trusted.* (*Opinions are not my own, please do not sue.)
Fletcher: Not until they get tax exempt status.
James: Pyramid scheme. Like, Advocare/Herbalife/certain other blog sorts of pyramid schemes.
• Could The Troops beat an all-star team of Pats and Eagles? Show your work.
Ron: Pretty disrespectful that it took you this long to bring up the troops imo. [Editor’s note: it’s called build-up, RON.]
Shawn: This isn’t even a question. THE TROOPS had a dog that gave Tom Brady a scar. A DOG. THE TROOPS have already done more to stop TB12 than any Eagles player all season. THE TROOPS have year-round conditioning at the highest level, play in the most intensive conditions, and always outdoors. These aren’t pampered superstars, these are men amongst men. Only THE TROOPS could have a fully undefeated season…because THE TROOPS have never lost…only tied.
Fletcher: The Troops have the biggest operating budget in the galaxy, have licence to scope out what the opposition is doing in secrecy and are paid to kill. Gimme dem Troops.
James: Okay, so all the service academies sponsor football. The Coast Guard and Marines also have unofficial squads, so there’s certainly a lot to choose from here in terms of a talent pool just from the football programs alone. If you expand it out to Every Available Troop, then you’re really bringing in a whole element of unpredictability. I’d pluck some gents up from the Marines, SEALS and Green Berets and go for a power run look. They’d be giving up a lot in the trenches (since there’s weight restrictions and such) but maybe the scheme wins the day out. I’d give the edge to the All-Star squad.
• Okay, I’m out of questions. Freestyle on anything you want for like, three sentences. I don’t care.
Ron: I’m excited to watch the game alone and in peace this year. Yes, I wish my fiancé didn’t have to work and could join me, but I’m just glad I don’t have to anywhere, bring a dish anywhere, or have some obligation for the game other than to just sit on the couch and watch. I may not even wear pants for the game! Also if you watch the pregame shows you’re a terrorist.
Shawn: Here’s the beauty of American Capitalism. Bauer hockey bought Easton hockey because Easton was burning money and going bankrupt. Because Bauer bought failing Easton, Bauer is going bankrupt and burning money. So much for scared money don’t make money, eh?
Fletcher: So here’s the thing, cricket is good and the NBA is bad. If you were to care about cricket like you do the NBA for a month, nay, a week, it’ll become the third biggest sport in America and that’s a good thing. Also, check out these new bands I discovered recently – We Set Signals, Capstan and Frontierer – as they all rip and you know it. And finally, say a prayer for your local Falcons fan, because lord knows ANY lead that is had Sunday, they’re going to talk about last year’s game and none of us are going to be able to handle it.
James: If you have a PlayStation 3 (like I do because I’m a poorboi) and are looking for a fun game with a lot of replayability, I would recommend “Under Night In-Birth: EXE Late,” or UNIEL as it’s affectionaltely called by the fighting game community. It’s an all-2D arcade-style fighter with 12 unique characters whose main attraction is its hand-drawn action sequences and ease of gameplay. All the modes are really addicting and you’ll have a great time figuring out the eccentricities of every character as you go along. More fun with two controllers.
• FINAL SCORE, HOT SPROTSERS
Ron: EAGLES 30, PATRIOTS 27. LET ME BELIEVE, DAMMIT.
Shawn: Patriots 24 – Eagles 20 – THE TROOPS 1776
Fletcher: It’s been a hell of a ride for Foles and the bandaged birds. But, it’s TB12 and Big Baller Bill. No way the Pats lose right? WRONG. The Giants, somehow, are going to lend Philly their “beat NE” vibes from the last two NYG titles, and it’ll be the Birds flying high. Give me like a 31-24 final.
James: Scores are for losers.
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