The MLB season is just four days old, and with the exception of the White Sox and Royals, every team has played at least three games so far. Over the course of 162 games, three or four games isn’t much, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make gross generalizations based on those early results.

So what did we learn from the the opening weekend? Here’s what stands out in my mind:

There are a lot of bad teams

The Tigers, Rays, Royals, Reds, and Padres are all trash, this isn’t news to anyone and we all predicted this before the season, but hoo boy did they surprise. The Tigers found new and interesting ways to lose all three games to the Pirates, the Royals gave up a million dingers, the Reds probably tried to call you up for a spot start, and the Padres are just always bad, those are the rules. Seriously, these teams could already have the little “Eliminated From Playoff Contention” notes next to their names and I would believe it.

The Milwaukee Brewers are the best team in baseball

A 3-0 start to the season, and they appear to be hitting their stride. They are one of three teams to go 3-0, along with the Pirates, so the NL Central battle that we all though would be the Cubs and Cardinals is actually the Brewers and Pirates. I for one welcome our new mid-market overlords to the toughest division in baseball.

Mitch Haniger is basically Ty Cobb minus the racism but with power

Haniger has started the year hammerin’ for the Mariners. Going 5 for 8 with a pair of dingers and three RBIs so far. An OPS of 2.227, not a typo. Basically, this 6-2 outfielder is in the prime of his career at 27, and I see no way that he doesn’t keep this start to the season going all year long. Mike Trout? May as well be a scab compared to the joy that is watching Mitch Haniger hit.

There will be a record number of snowed out games

Ok this one might actually be real, the Yankees home opener today was already wiped out by a blizzard that dumped like four inches of snow on the field.

The Marlins will probably just strike everyone out

The Marlins were thought to be not good this year, but after a 2-2 start, they may surprise some people and force Man (he is no longer with the Marlins) to come crawling back. The Fish fanned 47 cubs hitters over the weekend, most in the league, of the 108 possible outs, they struck out more than 1/3 of them. Which is even more impressive considering that you probably can’t name one Marlins pitcher. Surely this rag-tag group of heroes will go on and lead the league in strikeouts all season.

The Braves will definitely hit .325 all season

The Braves lead MLB in batting average after the opening weekend, and have the second highest OPS, behind only the White Sox, who only played two games so their stats aren’t official yet. IN FACT, the NL East showed it will be THE power division in baseball this year, at least at the plate, with the Mets coming in at a cool .306 and .844 OPS. The Nationals have an .887 OPS, second best in the NL after swinging for the fences all weekend. You think Coors field is where hitters love to be? WRONG. It’s the NL East!

So yeah, one weekend in, all of these things will continue to happen, no sense in watching the other 160 to 158 games left on your team’s schedule.