Welcome back to the #Thrill5 willforthrillers. Last week wasn’t our best showing, going 2-3 on the day, bringing us to 5-5 on the season through the first two weeks.

This week I’m going to try something different. I’ll be out of town for a wedding this weekend and probably won’t get to watch any of the games this Sunday (F). Therefore, since I won’t have to suffer the agony of actually watching the losers, I’m gonna get weird with it. We’re throwing all caution to the wind and throwing shit at the wall. Let’s ride.

Colts -1.0 (-110)

Everyone, myself included, panicked after Andrew Luck’s surprising retirement and immediately counted the Colts out. But the reality of the situation is that not much else has changed and even if Andrew Luck hadn’t retired, he still would’ve missed most of the season anyways. Even if he’s no Andrew Luck, Jacoby Brissett was one of the best backup quarterbacks in the league, leaving the Colts in decent hands. Everything I said about the Falcons in last week’s blog still stands, the only reason they beat the Eagles was because so many of their players got injured (we’ll get to that in a minute). Even without Andrew Luck, the Colts are a better team and don’t have any reason not to win this game at home.

Ravens/Chiefs over 52.0 (-115)

This is the highest point total of the week, understandably due to the Chiefs reputation as a high scoring spread offense. And while the Ravens aren’t typically known for their offense, Joe Flacco is out and Lamar Jackson is the new sheriff in town. 59 points against the Dolphins doesn’t mean all that much and they only managed to score 28 points at home against the Cardinals last week but the Chiefs are always good for at least 30 points and I’m a dumb idiot so whenever I see a number higher than 50 I take it as a challenge and have to bet on it.

Lions +5.0 (-110)

Last week I wrote in this here column that the Lions stink and that the Chargers were easy money. This week I’m all over the Lions. The Eagles got banged up bad last Sunday and had so many injuries that they were even able to practice most of the week. With playmakers missing on both sides of the ball and Carson Wentz not at 100%, the best case scenario for the Eagles is an ugly 2-3 point victory at home. Don’t let me down, Lions.

Giants +6.0 (-120)

I have no opinions about Daniel Jones. Is he good? Is he a bust? Were the Giants foolish to draft him so early? I have no clue. I just know that Eli Manning STINKS. He should’ve retired two years ago and every time he’s suited up since, the Giants have been worse off because of it. Whether or not he’s good, Daniel Jones has to be an improvement by virtue of having a young and functioning body. And so far rookie quarterbacks Gardner Minshew and Kyler Murray have been decent, which gives me hope for Daniel Jones. Plus, the Buccaneers aren’t very good either. The only reason they were able to steal one on the road last week was because Cam Newton is also in the process of dying. I don’t feel great about betting the Giants, nor should one ever, but the Buccaneers at -6.0 is a trap if I’ve ever seen one, so fuck it I’m rolling with the G-Men.

Rams -3.5 (110)

I’m not buying the Browns, yet. After years of suffering, the Browns finally have a decent team with stars like Baker Mayfield and Odell Beckham Jr. As such, they’re finally getting nationally televised games, which is great for the Browns and their fans, but I worried they’re being coronated prematurely. They were embarrassed by the Titans at home in week 1 and picked up a win on the road against the quarterback-less Jets in week 2. Browns fans have a lot to be excited about but they’re simply not ready to compete with the Rams yet. Even if they manage to limit the Rams offense, the Browns offensive line isn’t up to blocking against Aaron Donald. The luster and sex appeal of the Rams is starting to wear off but they’re still the class of the NFL and I expect them to teach the Browns a lesson.