Welcome back loyal willforthrillers. It’s week 5 and we’re a quarter of the way through the NFL season. After going undefeated in week 3, week 4 was a comedown with a record of 2-3. I was dead wrong about the Cowboys and I thought that the Patriots/Bills over was a lock. Oh well, our record on the season is 12-8 and there’s still plenty of time to make some more money. I feel even worse about the board this week than I did last week but ingenuity always comes when one’s back is against the wall so I feel confident we’ll go 5-0 again this week.

Jaguars +3.0 (+105)

Have you accepted Gardner Minshew as your lord and savoir? The Jaguars have won or covered every game he’s started and I’m not ready to quit any time soon. I don’t know what the heck in going on with the Panthers. Cam Newton starts the first two games and they look terrible. He’s been out the past two games and the Panthers win them both. I don’t really know what the hell is going on with either of these teams but if the choice is between Kyle Allen and Gardner Minshew then you already know where my heart is.

Saints -3.0 (-110)

Last week the Buccaneers beat the Rams on the road and suddenly the Rams are underdogs against the Seahawks (the Seahawks technically did win that game but still) and the Buccaneers are only 3.0 point underdogs on the road against the Saints. Don’t believe the hype. It wasn’t pretty but the Saints were able to squeeze out a win against a good Cowboys team last week and they convincingly beat the Seahawks on the road the week before. Don’t overthink it, the Saints are contenders and the Buccaneers are pretenders. Of course anything can happen in this league, but I’m not going to bet on the Buccaneers on the road against the Saints, same as how I didn’t bet on them against the Rams on the road last week.

Patriots -16.0 (-110)

Usually I’m fundamentally opposed to betting double-digit spreads. High spreads are usually for a good reason but double-digits are still a lot in this league. I didn’t plan on touching this game until I saw that Colt McCoy was starting for the Redskins and that just bummed me out. The Redskins are already a total disaster so Colt McCoy doesn’t really change anything but I’m taking that sinking feeling I had reading that he’ll start as a sign to bet the house on the Patriots. This one is going to be ugly, folks.

Packers/Cowboys over 46.5 (-110)

I’ll be honest I don’t really know what to make of this game but the NFL schedule is weird this week with 10 early games and only 2 late games so since I’m going to be watching this game anyways I’m just gonna bet the over and hope for the best. Even after being held to 12 points last week, this Cowboys offense is designed to score and the supposed greatest quarterback in the world Aaron Rodgers is always liable to put on a show so fuck it.

Colts +11.0 (-115)

The Colts are a weird team. I’ve already detailed why I think that the Colts are underrated and still believe it to be true but they also lost at home last week to the Raiders so who really knows. Either way, I don’t think they deserve to be +11.0 point underdogs, even on the road against the Chiefs. The past two weeks the Chiefs have only won by 4 and 5 points against the Lions and the Ravens and I think the Colts are about on par with those teams. I think this is another close win for the Chiefs.