Hi everybody we’re back for the week 7 #Thrill5 column. Unfortunately, I was unable to fulfill my blogging duties last week but luckily an international man of mystery stepped in to give his picks and went an admirable 3-2, bringing our season record to 19-11.

This week I’m back and we’re going for all the marbles. Mortgage your house, withdraw your kids college fund, and pawn your electronics because we’re going to win big this week.

Cardinals/Giants under 50.0 (-110)

This game fits in the same sub-genre as the Redskins/Dolphins game last week. These teams aren’t quite as bad as those two but they’re still Not Good. Bad matchups can result in either high or low scoring affairs, but I usually opt with the under. These teams are both more competent on offense than the Redskins or the Dolphins, especially the Cardinals, but 50.0 points is a lot and I’m not going to bet on both of these offenses to have good days.

Saints +4.0 (-110)

If you’ve been paying attention to the blog then you’ve probably figured out my most of my strategies, the most paramount being to keep betting on what’s working until it stops working. It hasn’t always been pretty but the Saints are 4-0 with Teddy Bridgewater as the starter and until the Saints lose I’m going to keep picking them. Simply put, the Bears are pretenders. They’re 26th in the league with an average of 17.4 points per game and without Mitch Trubisky, that number is probably going to go down. I’m not even sure who the Bears backup quarterback is and I don’t respect them enough to look it up. They lost to the Raiders in London and I don’t bet on teams that lose against the Raiders to beat the Saints. Next pick.

Chargers +2.5 (-105)

That thing I just said in the last pick about betting what works? Forget it. I know I’ve bet the Chargers twice this season and lost both times, the most recent being last week. The Chargers don’t look so hot. But this is less a case of me betting on the Chargers and more a case of betting against the Titans. The Titans play the worst brand of football in the league and I’ll be GODDAMNED if I ever bet on them. Your franchise is in a bad place when you have to bench your starting quarterback for fucking Ryan Tannehill. Even though they’re at home and the Chargers also stink, it’s disgraceful to see the Tennessee Titans favored and I refuse to let the oddsmakers get away with it.

Seahawks -3.0 (EVEN)

The Ravens tricked us in week 1 when they put up 59 points on the Dolphins and convinced everyone they were legit. Since then they’ve gone 3-2 with one-score victories over the Cardinals, Steelers, and Bengals. Their losses are to the Chiefs and the Browns. Are we really sure this team is good? Meanwhile, the Seahawks are 5-1 with impressive wins the past two weeks against the Rams and the Browns. So far, experts are calling Russell Wilson the league MVP and Tyler Lockett looks like the best bailout wide receiver in the league. Seattle is a tough road environment and I think the Seahawks continue to establish themselves as contenders and expose the Ravens as pretenders.

Eagles/Cowboys under 49.5 (-105)

That’s right we’re betting two unders this week. The Cowboys are in trouble. I’m still not quite sure how much trouble they’re in but when you lose 3 games in a row there is a quantifiable amount of trouble and when one of those losses is to the New York Jets then you’re probably in a lot trouble. The only reason I’m not writing them off yet is because the Eagles are also sitting at 3-3 and the other two teams in the division are the Redskins and the Giants. The Eagles picked up a quality win on the road against the Packers a few weeks ago but they let Kirk Cousins ball out on them last week which is embarrassing.  Writing this all out it actually might make more sense to take the over but I already placed my bet so it’s too late. I mean, it’s a divisional game and there’s no love lost between these two teams so it’ll probably be a defensive slugfest, right? This is for the lead in the division so both of them should be playing a tight game. Yeah that sounds right the under is definitely the play here.